


Best Getting Laid Plans Of Fish and Trolls

by Fox_Salz



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Attempted Seduction, Cronus Ampora Being Cronus Ampora, Cronus Ampora's Amazing Song Titles, Dumbass Nerds, Established Relationship, Fiduspawn, Innuendo, M/M, Minor Angst, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Romantic Comedy, but in a lovable way, but mainly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-06 20:56:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19070521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fox_Salz/pseuds/Fox_Salz
Summary: Cronus is determined to vweasel his vway into Rufioh and Horuss' relationship.





	Best Getting Laid Plans Of Fish and Trolls

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mouthword](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mouthword/gifts).



> I'm so glad to finally show off what I've written my Derse giftee for polyswap! 
> 
> Prompt: "I really like settings for this ship where Cronus is making his way into Rufioh and Horuss's existing relationship as a third partner. Any ship can and will be made better by Cronus also being there and crashing on their couch. Maybe Cronus is setting up a series of comedic schemes that involve trying to get the two to break up in order to romance one of them only to realize he'd be way better off asking if they'd be open to poly like a normal person. Maybe Cronus is well aware of the fact that they have a wild, active sex life and wants in on that action. The choice is up to you!
> 
> No preference for rating on this one. I did get a pretty awesome Drone Season fill for this ship under a similar prompt so I'm not looking for smut as a primary focus."
> 
> Well, I decided to go the romantic comedy route with more emotions than smut lol. Hope you enjoy!

Cronus checked his hair in the mirror again. Not a strand out of place. Perfect. Hm. Maybe _too_ perfect. Maybe he should look a little more casual, like he had been in the middle of something and hadn’t had time to gussy up before running into them. Yeah, hair a bit mussy, that would look sexy as fuck. He ran his fingers through his hair until he had staged it how he wanted it—a little messy but still stylish, like it took no effort to look this good. Then he winked at his reflection and headed out.

 

Rufioh and Horuss should just be coming out of the movie they’d gone to—something about a horse that was a private eye or whatever—and from his hive it would take twenty minutes on foot to reach the forest where they lived. Even in a new world, granted new life, they still chose to live in nature separated from everyone else. Not that Cronus was much better. He had made sure to get a place closer to humans than the most of trolls he knew. After epochs in the dream bubbles with these cats and kittens and assholes he needed a bit more personal space.

 

Speaking of personal space, he couldn’t wait to get into Rufioh’s and or Horuss’.

 

Listen, he wasn’t a picky guy. He’d settle for either one of them—both were pretty hot trolls and would look great with their bulge shoved in his nook. If there was a way he could swing both of them, even better. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, though; those two had been rocky for a long time.

 

Damara had finally walked away from the mess to go have wild sex with abandon, the lucky slut, and when Cronus had asked her advice on seducing them she’d laughed in his face for a full minute. To her credit, though, she’d then listed off all their kinks. So basically Cronus was well prepared.

 

Except he needed to get a motorcycle because all this walking was bullshit. Also he needed to learn how to ride one. It would complete his greaser look and help him cinch the deal. Motorcycles were _sexy_.

 

By the time Cronus reached the edge of the forest he was exhausted and realized he hadn’t even needed to bother staging his hair. Panting, he forced himself to continue to a little copse where he knew there was the perfect stump to plop down on. It was instant relief being off his feet. He allowed a quick five minute break before whipping out his guitar and starting up a tune. Now that the lure was cast he just had to wait.

 

It was a longer wait than he thought it’d be. Cronus had expected them to head straight back hive after the movie. Forty minutes later and he had to give his aching fingers a rest. Damn it, he should have factored in dinner. They’d probably stopped for a bite to eat. His stomach rumbled and he realized he should have eaten something himself before setting out. Honestly it had slipped his mind, too busy making himself look good. Whoops.

 

Suddenly he heard a laugh ring out through the trees and he scrambled for his guitar, playing the first song that came to mind. (It was a work in progress tentatively titled: “Fingers Intertwined Like Our Bulges Could Be”.) He hummed along, lyrics still shaky on this one. After only a few bars two familiar figures popped into view. About fucking time.

 

Cronus pretended not to see them at first. They didn’t interrupt, waiting until he was finished before bursting into applause. Cronus didn’t have to pretend to be startled as his face heated up, fins giving a little flutter. Getting attention felt good. Even better that it was recognition for his music.

 

“Haven’t heard that one before,” Rufioh commented. “A new one?”

 

“Eh, just something I’m fiddling vwith. Vwhat are twvo doing? Don’t tell me you heard me playing all the vway from your hivwe and had to come get a closer listen.” Cronus flashed them a charming smile.

 

“Just getting back from the movies, doll. It was...weird. Horuss liked it.”

 

“It was an exquisite cinematic portrayal of the friendship between a young girl and her noble talking hoofbeast companion as they solve mysteries and fight evil,” Horuss explained passionately, hands clasped in front of his chest.

 

Holding up a sack Rufioh added, “We got tacos. If you wanna join us.”

 

Cronus didn’t miss the slight waver to Horuss’ intensely wide smile before he plastered it back into place.

 

“Sure, chief, I’m dowvn.”

 

Cronus stood, captaloguing his guitar. He followed them hive, hands in his pockets and pump biscuit aflutter with anticipation.

 

Cronus hadn’t actually been to their hive yet. Not that he’d visited any of his acquaintances’ new places. Nor had he tried making any new ones, for that matter. He really didn’t interact with many people, troll or human or otherwise. Ha, that was a depressing thought. He was gonna stop thinking about it now.

 

Rufioh led the way into their rumpusblock, flumping down on the small couch. Cronus hurried to sit on the middle cushion before Horuss could, forcing him to take the other end. As Rufioh took out the tacos Cronus scanned the room.

 

It looked like they’d really been settling in. Not just into a new life but a new life _together_. There were signs of both of them littered around. It was the little things here and there, fingerprints of both of them mingling together in one space. There was a sudden pang in his chest but Cronus ignored it.

 

The style of couch and fancy throw pillows were obviously Horuss, but the fiduspawn blanket across the back screamed Rufioh. There were a couple magazines on the coffee table—mechanic and video game centric—and other small touches like coasters displaying different horse breeds or the pop idol poster hanging on a wall. On one side of the TV was a bookshelf full of anime figurines, another on the other opposite side brimming with horses. Man, and everyone used to make fun of him being a nerd for his magic paraphernalia. At least he had grown up and become disenfranchised with that disappointment. He got into music, which only caused suffering if he tried to show his songs to anyone else.

 

“So what have you been up to?” Rufioh asked, handing him a taco.

 

“I’vwe been secluding myself awvay like all great musicians do at some point to really get in touch vwith my inner muse. It’s a sacrifice, but you’vwe gotta be vwilling to make those if you vwant to be a true artist.”

 

“Oh wow, that’s, great. I really admire your dedication to your craft, doll.”

 

Oh shit, a genuine compliment. Cronus hadn’t been prepared for that. His fins got a little twitch out before he managed to still them.

 

“So vwhat’s up vwith you twvo?” Cronus leaned back, arms over the back of the couch as he glanced between them. “Havwing fun in lovwer’s lane?”

 

That flustered both of them. Rufioh rubbed the back his neck, head ducking, while a faint blue blush blossomed across Horuss’ face.

 

“What a way to phrase it, man.”

 

“Putting it like that it sounds highly inappropriate, I must concur.”

 

“Heh. I just mean howv are you twvo dealing vwith sharing a hivwe? Vworking out for you?”

 

Cronus tried not to look too eager. The way they reacted to the question was going to decide if he was gonna wiggle his way into a threesome or seduce them separately. He was hoping for the former, even though hoping never did him any good, because fuck that would be hot.

 

“It has been very lovely sharing a hive with Rufioh,” Horuss admitted, hands folding in his lap. “Though our different styles may clash in places, it has brought me unbridled joy living with my matesprit. I feel it has only STRENGTHENED the foundation of our relationship.”

 

“Yeah, uh, it’s a real change,” Rufioh said slowly. Cronus turned back to him; Rufioh wasn’t looking at either him or Horuss. “Change is good, though. We haven’t really had that in...well, however long we were dead for.”

 

“Epochs,” Cronus replied automatically. “Vwell that’s great. I’m happy for you twvo.”

 

Secretly Cronus was thrilled. Chances of a threesome just went up. They were in the middle ground of happiness where things were stable enough, but not enough that they wouldn’t be open to a little, _wink,_ dipping into colder waters. Horuss was just enough of a freak to be into it, while Rufioh was the type who needed new stimulation (heh) constantly. Cronus was sure he could make this work.

 

—

 

Cronus tugged on the lapels of his jacket—it was just a bit too warm for it, but it looked way too good on him not to wear. He was heading to Rufioh’s hive again; last night they’d made plans to hang. Cronus couldn’t deny to himself how overjoyed he was. He hadn’t even been the one to suggest it!

 

It was a little suspicious that out of nowhere Rufioh was inviting him over. Then again in the dream bubbles he was usually busy juggling Damara and Horuss, and getting away from them both. So now he had fewer juggling clubs in hand, and he was choosing to fill that extra space in his life with Cronus’ presence. Fucking wild.

 

When he knocked on the door Rufioh opened right away, face bright. His cheeks felt warm suddenly.

 

“Hey, doll. I forgot to ask, yesterday, are you partial to any elemental types? I thought it was probably rude to just assume water.”

 

“I havwe no idea howv to answver that.”

 

Rufioh stepped aside so Cronus could come in. They made their way to Rufioh’s game room, his wings giving a little flap as he continued talking that was honestly sort of adorable.

 

“In fiduspawn. I can explain all the different elements if you’re not familiar. I guess most people aren’t familiar.” He gave a nervous chuckle. “There are the general elements like fire, water, electric, but then there are more niche like ghosts and fairy types.”

 

“Fairy is an element?”

 

“It makes more sense in universe. ‘Element’ is a loose term in fiduspawn. Anyway, if you want I could list all of them, and what they’re both weak and strong against for you.”

 

“Nyeh, just pick one for me. I trust your judgement.”

 

“Ha, that’s only safe for fiduspawn and anime.”

 

Cronus grabbed a seat at the small table while Rufioh brought out the cards. He had a deck prepared for every element; Cronus wondered if he’d put them all together after Cronus had left or if he just had them readymade. Both possibilities were kinda cute. But he did like the thought of Rufioh sitting down and putting all of them together with him in mind.

 

“Here, this deck is pretty well balanced, with a leaning towards ghost types.”

 

“Right on.”

 

Cronus flipped through the cards to get a feel for them while Rufioh chose his deck. With a smile that brightened his whole face, Rufioh sat down across from him and started shuffling.

 

Cronus had no qualms playing a card game if it gave him the chance to get closer to Rufioh. He might not even be too bad, if it was anything like Gathering: Magic the trading card game. This was even a non-lethal version of the game where the creatures didn’t come to life, just stayed as animated projections you didn’t need to feed. Nifty.

 

At first Cronus just sort of winged it, planning on spending most of the time flirting with Rufioh. After hatching his first creature, though—a straight up unihorned hoofbeast with a crooked tail that almost resembled his sign—he got caught up in the gameplay. Cronus was determined to level up his spawn whom he secretly named Herbert.

 

It was a tough battle, and somehow they both ended down to the last of their hit points. Whoever landed the next successful attack would win.

 

“Wow, you’re not bad at this at all, doll.”

 

It was automatic to smile at the praise, but Cronus quickly turned it into something smoother, complete with a playful wink.

 

“I’m good at picking things up.” Was that a good line? He hoped so. Maybe a little esoteric, but it worked well enough.

 

Cronus played a healing spray on Herbert, bringing him back up to full. Rufioh’s brow furrowed. Grinning in earnest Cronus tapped Herbert's card and sent him after Rufioh’s last remaining creature in play.

 

Suddenly Rufioh smirked. He took the face down card underneath his creature and tossed it in the middle of the table for Cronus to see.

 

“Sorry, doll. Reflection. That damage is going right back at you.”

 

“Sorry, chief. I don’t think so.”

 

Likewise, Cronus tossed out the card he had equipped to Herbert—Mirror’s Break. It completely negated Reflection, leaving Herbert free to obliterate both Rufioh’s final creature and last bit of HP.

 

“Ha! Oh man, wow. You sure you’ve never done this before?”

 

“I’m just a natural. Vwink.”

 

“Definitely impressive, doll.”

 

That went straight to his pump biscuit. Damn, it took all his concentration to keep his fins from fluttering.

 

There was a knock at the open doorway and they both turned. Horuss was there with a tray of glasses and a teapot, wearing his destrengthening gloves.

 

“I was taking a break from my latest project to make some tea and I thought you both might enjoy some, as well.”

 

“Oh, thanks Horuss.”

 

Horuss set the tray down at the edge of the table, mindful of the cards still out. He poured a cup for each of them, handing Cronus his first. Even though he didn’t actually care for the stuff he took it anyway.

 

“Oh, fiddlestucks, I forgot the lemons. Apologies, highblood. Excuse me.”

 

“I’ll get them,” Rufioh volunteered. “Gotta stretch my wings anyway.”

 

Horuss seemed surprised but pleasantly so. As Rufioh left he took one of the spare chairs, and Cronus studied him discretely. Since their second life Horuss and Meulin had broken off their brief moiralliagnce and frankly he seemed way better off for it. No longer forcing himself to smile. Sure most of the time he seemed exhausted or grumpy now, but somehow seemed less ready to break at a moment’s notice—mentally or someone else.

 

“Is there anything else I can get you, highblood?”

 

“Nah, I’m good, chief. And you don’t need to go on about highblood nonsense, vwe ain’t supposed to bring that into this newv vworld.”

 

“Ah, right, right. My apologies.”

 

On reflex Cronus took a sip of his drink and cringed. He pushed the cup away from him so he wouldn’t do that again.

 

“Highb— _Cronus_. It’s nice to have someone else play Rufioh’s fiddlespoons game with him. Occasionally he plays with the other Nitram, but other than that he doesn’t have anyone else. I try as his matesprit to share his interest but, quite frankly, I don’t get the appeal.”

 

Cronus shrugged, admitting, “It’s not half bad. Gathering: Magic is better, though.”

 

“It’s childish, but I suppose if it makes him happy that’s what matters.” His lips quirked upwards just a bit. “It is nice to see him genuinely happy again.”

 

Cronus didn’t know what to say to that, and thankfully he was saved from having to come up with something as Rufioh returned.

 

As he passed over a lemon, Cronus mused on his chances. Things weren’t looking half bad for a threesome.

 

—

 

Cronus waited a whole two days before heading back to Rufioh and Horuss’ hive. He was trying to show restraint. Also, you had to keep them waiting, couldn’t just throw yourself out there. He’d tried that long e-fucking-nough with zero results. No, he was trying to play it cool.

 

As he neared their hive he heard voices. Not happy voices. Oh boy. He paused, listening.

 

“You said that in this new world it was a new beginning for us. That things would be different.”

 

“I mean, exactly, doll. _Different_. I don’t...want things to just be the same again. I need more excitement than that.”

 

“This coming from the troll who had anxiety going to a new human restaurant the other day.”

 

“Harsh. I had to talk to people I didn’t know. Or, well, I guess...I just had you talk to them for me. But also, that’s not what I’m talking about.”

 

Yeah Cronus in no way shape or form wanted to deal with real emotions that weren’t sexual in nature. He didn’t deal with his own, he wasn’t going to deal with theirs. Instead he snuck back the way he’d come quiet as he could, taking out his palmhusk and trolling Rufioh instead.

 

coyAmbivalence [CA] began trolling animatedTauroboly [AT]

CA: Hey chief. I got a question about anime.  
AT: yeah doll, ask away…  
CA: Vwowv that vwas quicker than I expected.  
AT: My an1me senses were t1ngl1ng…  
CA: Kinky.  
CA: Anyvway, I just vwanted your opinion on vwhat animes I should vwatch. Figured you vwere our leading expert.  
AT: sh*t yeah!  
AT: any genres in particular? I’ve watched...a lot of different anime…  
CA: Nyeh, I’m dowvn for anything. I’m pretty easy like that.  
AT: okay, that gives me…I guess a lot of room…why don’t you come by tomorrow…we can marathon some anime and see which you like…you could even spend the night…if you don’t have anything else you gotta do…  
CA: Sounds like a plan.  
AT: bangarang!  
AT: see you tomorrow then… }:D  


coyAmbivalence [CA] stopped trolling animatedTauroboly [AT]

 

Cronus smiled to himself. He didn’t want to count his cluckbeast eggs before they hatched, but he felt good about this. He was gonna _spend the night_. If this was anything like the romance movies he pretended not to watch then he was about to hit jackpot.

 

—

 

Like last time, it was Rufioh who greeted him at the door. He ushered Cronus into the rumpusblock.

 

“Alright, I have a few titles to try...I hope you don’t end up hating them all.”

 

“I’m sure you picked out something I can dig, chief, no vworries. Vwhatcha got?”

 

As Cronus sunk down on the couch, spreading his arms out across the back, Rufioh held up a colorful boxset.

 

“I thought we could try ‘A Troll Learns She’s Magic and Goes to Fulfill a Prophecy Told to Her By Her Guardian Lusus’. There’s a Beforus version and an Alternian one. The Alternian one is...really violent.”

 

Oh wow. Magic. He wasn’t in the mood for that particular salt in his wounds.

 

“Uh, vwhat else is on the menu?”

 

“Well, here’s one about a wizarding school, or this one about a seadweller who runs off to live with landwellers who reject him.”

 

“Anime vwas a mistake,” Cronus mumbled to himself.

 

“Huh?”

 

“I said go ahead and pop vwhichevwer one you vwant in, chief. All sound good to me.”

 

“Bangarang. Let’s try ‘A Troll Learns She’s Magic’.”

 

All high energy with wings flapping, Rufioh popped the disk in. Cronus shamelessly checked out his ass to strengthen his resolve. Gotta keep your eyes on the prize, Ampora. Suffer through the debilitating reminder of how soul crushing magic was for the prospect of sex.

 

Rufioh came over and sat beside him—relatively close, Cronus noted, wings brushing against his arm as he leaned back. Trying to cool off the heat rising to his cheeks, Cronus focused on the screen.

 

“So you think I’ll jivwe vwith this one?”

 

“Hopefully. It’s a classic. But if not I know one of these will get your interest. Don’t worry, You’re in good hands, Cronus...My one talent, is finding an anime for everyone. I even got Horuss to like one...It’s about hoofbeasts that transform into magical trolls.”

 

“Vwild.”

 

Cronus kept his eyes on the colorful show without taking anything in, too busy trying to read Rufioh and figure out his next move. He wanted to wrap an arm around his shoulders but knew it was too soon. Instead his hand gripped the top of the couch back, claws snagging against the material. Maybe if he could find an excuse to touch him—

 

Suddenly Rufioh nudged him, saying, “You’ll like this character. He plays a synthesizer and dreams of being a hero. He’s also a natural with magic.”

 

“I hate him,” Cronus said automatically.

 

“Oh wow...that’s a strong declaration for a guy who’s only had...like three innocuous lines so far.”

 

“Just a familiar vwibe I get from him.”

 

“Well...I hope your opinion changes...as you get to know the character. He’s one of my favorites.”

 

“Your favworite character is the lonely kid vwith no friends and an obsession vwith magic—vwhich is for vwigglers and the gullible.”

 

Rufioh was giving him a critical look. Cronus stared steadfastly ahead, resisting the urge to fidget. There was tension at his fins where he was forcing them rigidly still, terrified of giving himself away.

 

“You, uh, okay there, doll?”

 

“Vwhy vwouldn’t I be? I already came to the conclusion that magic is nothing but a vwell crafted lie that your lusus tells you to make you feel like existence isn’t a series of traumatizing and debilitating evwents that are in place solely to make you fail spectacularly.”

 

“ _Wow_.”

 

“Vwowv vwhat?”

 

“That’s just...probably the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard you say. You okay, man?”

 

“I had literal epochs to come to terms vwith the failure of magic, yeah.”

 

Cronus caught his faint _wow, okay_. He gave into fidgeting just a smidge, claws picking at the couch back.

 

After a minute of awkward silence Rufioh offered, “Wanna talk about it? I’m not the most helpful...but I’m willing to listen.”

 

Oh wow, okay. Real emotions. That was not why Cronus was there. He had no desire to rip the bandage off that wound and rub in any salt.

 

With a shrug he hoped came off as nonchalant Cronus replied, “I’m good, Chief, thanks. Besides vwouldn’t vwanna talk over the showv.”

 

“I don’t mind pausing...It seems like maybe there’s something...pretty heavy on your thinkpan.”

 

Cronus let out a nervous sound that was almost a laugh and almost a whine. Mentally chiding himself for his lack of cool he told Rufioh, “Nah, nothing of note in my thinkpan. Magic is a farce and I’vwe movwed on, no lasting damage to my delicate psyche no matter all the time and effort I put into it and howv I vwrapped it around my vwhole personality for swveeps. Howv about some popcorn?”

 

“Oh, sure, doll,” Rufioh replied, thrown for a loop at the sudden change of topic.

 

Cronus breathed a sigh of relief when he got up and went to the nutritionblock. Running fronds through his hair—careful not to mess it up; there was no reason to ruin one of his best features—Cronus tried to figure out a way to salvage this evening. He racked his thinkpan for good pickup lines but he had to reluctantly admit to himself that he was just a wee bit frazzled. Great going, Ampora. Once again floundering because of _magic_.

 

He caught the sound of footsteps and quickly reclined back in a casual position, pretending he was enraptured by the anime. If nothing else at least the music was a real bop.

 

Rufioh settled beside him again, this time separating them with a bowl of popcorn. Cronus thanked him, shoving some kernels into his mouth so he wouldn’t have to talk anymore. Thankfully Rufioh followed suit.

 

Whenever he saw Rufioh reach over for some popcorn Cronus did the same, several times getting their hands to brush together and once nearly knocking over the damn bowl. Despite his best efforts, though, no macking on happened. Clothes stayed on, bulges stayed sheathed, and somehow—also despite his best efforts—Cronus actually got hooked on the show. It wasn’t too bad, in all honesty. Kinda fun. Magic was still bullshit, but he could suspend his belief for one show.

 

By the time they finished season one the sun was just peeking through the quickly closed curtains. They hadn’t seen or heard Horuss for a few hours since he had came up and offered to make them a proper meal, which they ate on the couch, wrapped up in the show. Rufioh was going to go try and drag him to bed but somehow they ended up tossing the next disk in instead. Twenty minutes in and Rufioh slumped against his shoulder, fast asleep. Fins fluttering wildly, Cronus made no attempt to stop it, eating up the physical contact.

 

—

 

Something smelled really good. It made his stomach rumble. There was a solid yet comfortable weight on his chest, though, that made Cronus reluctant to open his eyes and get up.

 

It took him a moment of deliberation for his thinkpan to come to its senses and remember that he had spent the night at Rufioh’s. Instantly he realized what the weight was, and that the smell must be Horuss cooking breakfast in the other room. Slowly Cronus cracked his eyes open and, pump biscuit racing, was greeted by the sight of Rufioh nestled on top of him still sound asleep. Heat spread across his face.

 

Shit, he was lucky those horns didn’t impale him in their sleep. Fucking worth it, though. Would have been a Heroic death.

 

One of Rufioh’s wings was sort of smashed against the couch back in a way that couldn’t be comfortable or good for the delicate structure. Cronus eased the guy into a better position, freeing the wing and mindful of those horns that were more like sexy battering rams. He kept his arms around Rufioh, reluctant to relinquish this rare moment of physical contact.

 

Eventually though Rufioh stirred. Cronus quickly feigned sleep, eyes shutting body going lax. He felt Rufioh shift with a mumbled sound. Then he was pushing himself up and Cronus decided he could safely “wake up”.

 

“Morning, doll. Sorry if I got drool on you.”

 

“No problem, chief. Got no problem vwearing some of your fluids.”

 

“Ha, wow. That was...quite the sentence.”

 

“Do I smell food? Swveet, I’m starvwing.”

 

Smooth like a goddamn shark, Cronus sat up and Rufioh got off his leg. Cronus headed for the nutritionblock, Rufioh following.

 

“Ah, you’re both awake,” Horuss noted, taking biscuits out of the oven; their fresh scent wafted over to Cronus and again his stomach rumbled. “I cooked a breakfast that should be fit for a seadweller.”

 

“Smells good to me,” Cronus assured, taking a seat at the table.

 

“Thanks, dolls, I’m sure it’s great,” Rufioh agreed, taking the seat beside him.

 

Horuss had really gone all out. On the table already were bowls of different fruit, troll French toast, chocolate scones, and fancy triangle hash browns. Then he brought over the biscuits, followed by a pan.

 

“I do hope you’re a fan of scrambled eggs and black truffles,” he said, scooping some into a plate for him.

 

“Nyeh, I’m a fan of anything I don’t havwe to cook myself.”

 

“Excellent. Please, eat to your heart’s content, hi— _Cronus_.”

 

To his surprise Horuss sat on his other side instead of beside his matesprit. Did Cronus dare to hope it was a good sign? Either way all this food staring up at him made him ravenous and he indulged, piling his plate with a little of everything. His fins flapped at the first bite as he sunk his teeth into perfect eggs, flavor exploding in his mouth. Sex aside, Cronus might just wiggle into their relationship for more of Horuss’ cooking.

 

“I take it the food is to your liking?” Horuss asked, tilt of amusement and pride to his voice. Cronus, mouth full, gave a thumbs up. “I’m glad it meets your approval. If you perchance aren’t tethered to any previous engagement today I would very much like to extend an invitation to dinner, as well. I have a recipe I’ve been meaning to try but have yet to find the oponytunity as it’s better suited for more than two people.”

 

Swallowing Cronus agreed, “Yeah, chief, I’m more than vwilling.”

 

“Excellent. I look forward to your thoughts on the dish.”

 

Delighted at the prospect of not only having them willingly spend more time with him but also the prospect of more delicious food, a giddy warmth spread through his pump biscuit.

 

After breakfast Rufioh cleaned up the dishes and Cronus offered to help while Horuss headed back to his work. Mostly Cronus just leaned back against the counter, drying whatever Rufioh handed him. He didn’t care to get his hands wet.

 

They talked about the anime. Cronus had to admit it was pretty enjoyable; he relished the pleased grin that lit up Rufioh’s face. It really made him look like a fucking bishounen or whatever it was called. Pretty boy like whoa. Took a lot of effort to keep his fins still.

 

“So you guys really don’t mind me still hanging around?” he blurted without thinking. Fuck. So unsmooth it was staggering.

 

Before he could try and play it off Rufioh replied, “Yeah, doll, of course. I know we didn’t hang out all that much in the dream bubbles...I was caught up in a lot of drama, ha...and before that during our first lives...Man I’ve been in the middle of way too much drama. But I want that to change. That is, that we haven’t hung out enough...but also less drama would be nice. I actually think you’re a real cool guy, Cronus.”

 

His pump biscuit forgot how to work for a hot second.

 

Holy shit. Holy shit holy shit holy shit!

 

Someone actually enjoying having him around? And calling him _cool_?

 

Alright, Ampora, gotta act the part. With a suave seadweller wink Cronus tossed back, “You’re a pretty swvanky guy, too, Rufioh.”

 

“Ha, thanks.” Was there a dusting of bronze on his cheeks? Fuck yeah. “Let’s go get in a few more episodes.”

 

Agreeing, Cronus followed him back into the rumpusblock. This time he let Rufioh sit down first before dropping down beside him incredibly close. Close enough that he could brush their arms together and call it an accident. Rufioh didn’t move away.

 

—

 

The sudden sound of something hard impacting something harder made them both jolt up, arms wrapping around each other like a standard episode of Troll Scooby Doo.

 

“Is the forest attacking?” Cronus wondered.

 

“This isn’t ‘Troll of the Rings’, doll. I think it’s just Horuss.”

 

“Is he murdering the forest?”

 

“Uh, good question.”

 

He started getting up and Cronus realized they were still tangled up together. Quickly and awkwardly they peeled off each other, Cronus missing the contact instantly. Ignoring the pang he followed Rufioh out the door and around the hive, being led by the continued sounds. Out in the back was the source of the cacophony: Horuss, in less clothes than Cronus had probably ever seen him, facing off against a pair of battlebots while debris—metal from fallen bots and what had once surely been trees—littered the ground around them.

 

Cronus popped a cigarette in his mouth so he had something in there to fiddle with as he watched Horuss grapple with one bot, eyes fixated on his gleaming muscles. Rufioh was right by his side, just as enraptured.

 

Suddenly Horuss pushed the battlebot down, getting an arm around its neck and squeezing until its head popped right off. Before he could even register his victory the other was clambering onto his back.

 

“Huh. Intimidating and hot. Nice.”

 

“Yeah. Those muscles, man. I think...I have a thing for people who could snap me in half. Or, uh, have done that.”

 

“Vwalid.”

 

Horuss flipped the bot onto its back then promptly stepped on its chest and ripped its arm off. There was no chance of recovery as Horuss, quite frankly, showed the poor bastard no mercy. Cronus winced.

 

“Vwouldn’t mind him stepping on me like that sometime.”

 

“Ha! Jeez dude. But uh, you know. Valid.”

 

Finally Horuss straightened, panting hard as sweat dripped down his face and neck. Cronus whistled while Rufioh cheered and his head popped up. With that ridiculous headgear removed Cronus saw how wide his eyes went.

 

“Goodness! I didn’t realize I had an audience. I hope I didn’t disturb you.”

 

“Nah, chief. I’m considering this an intermission.”

 

Shamelessly Cronus raked his eyes across his fine expanse of muscles. Horuss blushed, the indigo spreading down his tank, and he took that as a good sign.

 

“Hoofestly I didn’t mean to distract you from your animes—“

 

“You don’t pluralize it, doll, we’ve talked about this.”

 

“Please, ignore my mess while I clean this all up.”

 

“No vworries, chief, you’re fine.”

 

Horuss turned and bent down, picking up bits of ravaged bots. Cronus tilted his head a smidge, fins flicking in interest.

 

“Vwery fine.”

 

Rufioh hummed in agreement.

 

—

 

It was weird having someone else cook him a nice meal, especially one as extravagant as this. Horuss had outdone breakfast by a long shot. He used a bunch of fancy terms that Cronus didn’t retain—just because he’d been a highblood on Beforus didn’t mean he’d paid any attention to the names of dishes—but the whole spread looked delicious.

 

“Vwowv, Horuss, smells and looks delicious.”

 

“I hope the taste has the same quality. Please, sit.”

 

Cronus gladly did so while Rufioh again settled on his left. Horuss served them as he talked.

 

“I’m absohoofely delighted that you agreed to dine with us, Cronus. While I do prefer things not to change at all, as when they have it’s nearly always been for the negative, this however is a lovely and appreciated addition to our usual dynamic.”

 

“Cool,” Cronus returned, not actually sure how to parse all that. All he knew was that they weren’t tired of him yet.

 

“Yeah,” Rufioh agreed adamantly, “it’s great having you over, Cronus. We should do this more often...if you want to, I mean. We both just dig your style. A lot. You’ve got a lot of moxy. It’s admirable.”

 

Cronus’ fin flicked as he glanced between the two of them. He wasn’t misreading the situation here, was he? He’d done that before. A lot. This felt like the real deal, though. Cronus needed to make sure, absolutely _positive_ , and he knew how to figure out a kitten’s interest.

 

As Horuss was bringing over a pitcher of freshly hivemade strawberry lemonade, Cronus “accidentally” elbowed it so a good portion splashed against his shirt. He had to stop himself from grinning.

 

“Fiddlesticks! Please excuse my udderly disgraceful language and clumsiness.”

 

“No problem,” Cronus assured, gripping the edges of his shirt. “Stains come out easy from vwhite clothes.”

 

“I don’t...think that’s—Oh wow.”

 

Cronus, who had just lifted his shirt over his head and horns, winked at the pair.

 

“Oh my hoofness.”

 

“Vwhat? A guy can’t eat vwith a vwet shirt, right?”

 

“Sounds reasonable to me,” Rufioh agreed. Cronus noticed how his eyes swept across his frame. Internally he gloated.

 

“I’ll go find you something else to wear momentarily while I attempt to get the stain out before it sets.”

 

Horuss held his hand out for the shit. Admiring the indigo decorating his cheeks Cronus waved him off.

 

“Nah, that’s fine. Just toss it in the sink vwith vwarm vwater for a bit.

 

“If that’s your desire,” Horuss agreed slowly.

 

“One of ‘em, yeah.”

 

Horuss took his shirt and hurried over to the sink. At this point Cronus was all but sure he was on the right track with what was happening here. _Both_ of them actually, for real, wanted to pail him. Fucking. _Score_. Now to not blow it.

 

“You knowv,” he said, proud at how level and suave he surely sounded, “there’s no reason to play coy. I get vwhat’s going on here.”

 

Horuss froze while Rufioh shot him a furtive glance.

 

“I hayven’t a clue what you’re referring to, Cronus.” Horuss turned back around, clapping his hands together. “Best eat before the food gets cold.”

 

As he walked stiffly back to the table, nervous smile plastered on his face, Cronus did take a bite of garlic potatoes. They were _exquisite_.

 

“Vwowv, these are the best potatoes I’ve ever tasted, Horuss.”

 

“I’m so pleased—“

 

“Anywvay, I get vwhy you’re really keeping me here.”

 

Horuss started to deny it again but Rufioh interrupted him.

 

“We were that obvious, huh?”

 

Cronus nodded, unable to help the grin spreading across his face. “It takes a lot to get something like this past me.”

 

“Ha. Well, I guess...we would have had to eventually come clean. Didn’t think it’d happen over dinner while you were shirtless, though.”

 

“Sometimes reality beats fantasy,” Cronus said, winking. He was rewarded with a nice bronze blush.

 

“I suppose I can’t quite pretend to be foalmoxed any longer,” Horuss conceded sheepishly. “What you suspect is absolutely correct, Cronus.”

 

It took all his effort not to punch the air in victory. His fins definitely flicked excitedly. Cronus could hardly believe it. He pursued two people and they both—

 

“Guess it’s time to come clean.”

 

“It does seem prudent now.”

 

With a deep breath Rufioh admitted, “Cronus, we want you to join our matespriteship. Or...at least give us a chance.”

 

Cronus blinked in surprise. _What_?

 

“We understand if it’s a little sudden...Definitely take your time answering.”

 

“We would be udderly honored and thrilled if you allowed us to court you properly,” Horuss added. He sounded sincere. Cronus was _floored_.

 

“So just to be clear, you both vwant me in your red quadrant?” They nodded. “At the same time? Me?”

 

“That is the gist of it, yeah.”

 

Holy shit. “Holy shit.”

 

“No pressure,” Rufioh hurriedly assured. “I know this is a lot to take in...and you probably never even considered either of us like that...so just give us the word and we’ll back off, if you want.”

 

“You fucking kidding me?” Cronus cleared his throat and reminded himself to play it cool, damn it. “I mean, vwhy not givwe it a shot? Could be fun. You’re both cool cats, after all.”

 

Rufioh and Horuss’ faces lit up. It made his fins wiggle, knowing they were actually serious about being attracted to him, and for more than just pailing, who’d have thunk. _Wild_.

 

Cronus had no idea what to do now. He shoved another mouthful into his gob and reveled in the delight on their faces.

 

—

 

This was weird. There was no denying that, but there was also no denying that it was fucking fantastic.

 

It was a couple weeks later and things had been...Cronus didn’t even have the words. True to their word, Rufioh and Horuss had flat out courted him old school style, gifts and dates and everything; he was pretty sure it was all Horuss’ idea, the guy loved him some old time romance novels. Cronus was more than willing to be the protagonist of a bodice ripper, though. Especially for when that part came in.

 

Right then they were all cuddled together on the couch finishing the anime, Cronus in the middle. He was reclined back against Horuss whose arms were carefully around his waist, while Rufioh laid half on top of him. It was... _nice_. Unbelievably nice. Surreal nice.

 

Cronus smiled to himself and nestled back against Horuss, running his fingers through Rufioh’s mohawk. Honestly? He’d even fallen in love with that stupid magic anime. It was good once he gave it the chance.

**Author's Note:**

> Damara's the real hero here.


End file.
